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I’m feeling overwhelmed with a cacophony of hopes and fears, both personal and global. (Like everyone else, I’m sure.) ...I swear this is related — but does anyone else watch #thisisus? (It’s this super under-the-radar tv show 🤣) . This week it featured a doctor giving advice to happy/sad new parents; Dr. K tells a beautiful story about a song that carried him through his wife’s happy early pregnancy, then on repeat (with great grief) during their heart-shattering miscarriage, and then again with elation/fear during their next pregnancy...and at last, at that kiddo’s wedding, so very joyful. Same song. All the feels. . His advice to the couple was, “You can't try and keep joy and tragedy separate, because life is full of ups and downs — and all of it matters.” . And it’s so true. You could probably even trace most ‘ups’ in the world to prior ‘downs’ that were crucial to their existence. It’s all important. Even our present woes will lead to goodness; my guess is getting the healthcare standards of other developed nations and a safety net with less holes for our most vulnerable. (🙏) . And other, smaller things. People not minimizing being stuck home almost everyday as a #spoonie, saying awful things like, “that sounds relaxing.” (Imagine bodily hell on top of this lifestyle.) Folks finally getting the option to work from home, since the obv can. People being more present for hugs. More grateful for the norm. Less zombie’d out. . There will be goodness reaped from this ick, there always is. In the meantime, sending you all the healthy happy juju + wishes for stunningly joyful and surprising moments. (STAY HOME, PLEASE) 😘 . 📸: Happy = I’m mostly off sleeping pills, have been needing less sleep, and waking up earlier! Sad = it fucked up my glorious cozy sun puddle timing, see pic #2, not cozy. Happy = it’s suddenly flirting with 70* so I moved it outdoors and now get to smell glorious salty ocean air along with my meditative routine! C’est la vie, eh? . . . #coronavirus #covid_19 #covid #therona #quarantine #quarantineandchill #quarantinelife #spoonielife #emotionalrollercoaster #wegotthis

THE EXPERIMENT, PART 1: I’ve gotten it into my head that I’m going to heal fibromyalgia by healing my #endocannabinoidsystem (ECS). But there’s no book for that because doctors don’t even study this system that maintains function in like alllll the other systems. . So I read studies and ask scientists questions, and life is magic so I get paid for it. After discovering a study showing orgasms release #endocannabinoids, I interviewed a doctor; who confirmed he’d seen it help his ECS-malfunctioning patients, then asked me about managing my symptoms. . I don’t talk much about that other fucking eff word anymore for juju reasons, but I still need far too much cannabis to control the stupid symptoms — it’s very time and $ consuming. But he had a cure... . So this doc goes, “I’m gonna write you a prescription: 3 orgasms/day for three weeks and daily cold showers using the #wimhofmethod, it will make a following tolerance break much more effective and will also help control pain in the meantime.” . And it does, both exercises palpably release endocannabinoids, giving me the same relief as the (exo-) cannabinoids in cannabis; though both methods also take much more spoons/energy than smoking a couple bowls and take just as much time, also relief doesn’t last as long, shucks. . But hopefully it’s been giving the ol’ ECS lots of practice and exercise!Now I’m on my first sleep-deprived day of no cannabis medication for three days, giving my ECS time to reset, essentially. We shall see, please send juju my med routine becomes easy-breezy! . Since the ‘Rona banned my handsome assistant to his own domicile, I must say I’m happy to be done with the orgasm challenge! (Haha, my wrists hurt.) I’ll keep up the ECS/self lovin’ but not to such goals, phew. 🤣 . The Wim Hof method is rumored to help fibro in three months, so 9 weeks there, ooooooh I have the hopey hopes. (The healthy jujus, please.) The testimonials from healed fibro fighters are really convincing, even though they’re babbling about ice baths like manic crossfitters — they seem v healed, happy, and thriving. . What if I heal by summer, and when I fly home to Alaska in July I get to go on A HIKE?? Hopeful, hopeful ❤️

There’s a part of me that’s comforted by having to stay home again, back in isolation like illness had me for so very very long. During that time and the period leading up to it, socializing became increasingly stressful; as my health plummeted and seeing others decreased with frequency. . Symptoms also morphed my personality, making connecting in-person more difficult. Stigma around chronic illness and medical cannabis didn’t help. Frequent physical and emotional public breakdowns, followed by weeks-long symptom flares, led to terrifying triggering. It can be so intensely overwhelming, and almost always misunderstood when witnessed. . Once voted as one of the most friendly in my class, transforming into someone who no longer enjoys meeting people was disorienting; but I eventually got used to it, to being satisfied with my own company. When I moved here to Long Beach and had the option to start trying to meet people again, I actually thought of socializing as “immersion therapy,” haha — it fucking stresses me out, man. . It was getting increasingly more enjoyable, but it’s kinda nice to not be pushing myself in that way. I’d go back to before Corona in a hot fucking second, don’t get me wrong, but I’m trying to focus on the good. (Beats wondering how many months until my next hug 🤷‍♀️) Stay healthy, stay home. Sooooo many long distance hugs 😘 . 📸: The cards demanded I leave, so I (carefully) got some takeout and satiated a bacon craving, mmm. (And the Birds of Paradise are still partying, so we’ve got that going for us.) Also had juju to paint after work the other day, felt grrrreat. . . . . #quarantine #quarantinelife #spoonie #spoonielife #spoonieproblems #cptsd #isolation #solitude #covid_19 #coronavirus

The moon juju woke me up at 4am, so I’m spending this delirious day working on soul work, yayyyyy! My last post featured a couple pics from the online spiritual community I’m creating for Long Beach; I’ve now wrapped my head around how the platform works and even got a few posts up. . There’s a ways to go until I start inviting folks, but I’m really excited to be moving from visioning to building — what better time to create an online community, eh? The vision started just as a way to meet people here and connect, a worthy time-commitment alone; but this app is all set up for courses and events, so we’ll see where it takes me. . Summing up the things I’ve learned over the decades into topics, and now expanding on them with articles, is a nice affirmation of how much I’ve learned. There’s been a lot of struggling in my journey, and sometimes it feels like I’ve been just trying not to drown for years — it’s nice to be reminded that it was much more than that. . Here’s a few spirit memes to celebrate! Happy new moon yesterday 🌚😘 . . . . #spiritualaf #spiritual #spiritualawakening #spirituality #witchyvibes #witchy #pagan #pagansofinstagram #woo #woowoo #lightworker #lightworkers

In October of 2015 is really when this quarantine started for me, the month I was no longer able to make it up the long hill to the bus stop. I lived in a small Portland studio alone, about a 20-minute drive from the closest friend (whom I didn’t have many of, as I was pretty new to the city when illness axed my social life). . I’m very much an ambivert, while I get real bitchy if unable to recharge alone — I used to get wild feelings of stir-craziness without being able to process my thoughts and experiences verbally. After a few months of only seeing doctors and grocery store strangers, I also got lonely to the point of not feeling like myself...which was a whole realization of its own. Why didn’t I feel like myself without others to react to?? . I took up talking to myself for the verbal processing (tips to *stop* doing it out of isolation appreciated 🤣) and started basically blogging here to that end as well. And that seeming need to bounce off of others? It got stared at. For a very very long time. . For me, the urge to consistently focus on others seemed to be rooted in a desire to avoid whatever might instead rise within me — often unprocessed trauma and the host of feelings it comes with. (Like, please, Becky, tell me about your boy drama, Becky? Where you at?!? Aggghhhh my own drama!!) . But we can only melt that drama with the staring; friends, the way out, is through. Let the ick rough you up a bit and you’ll find that it’s not even that bad. Yes, there will be some tears, but even while you’re still crying the cry of confronting your shit; you’ll be simultaneously filled with empowering clarity, with lightness as you cleanse all that ick that was secretly driving your reactions the whole time. . The juice is worth the squeeze and there’s no time like the present. Will this be the quarantine where you gained 20 pounds emotionally eating? Or will it be the time that everything finally started to change? You got this. ❤️ . . . . #quarantine #quarantineandchill #quarantinelife #quarantined #isolation #solitude #growthmindset #personaldevelopment #ownyourshit

I wrote about stoney-yet-productive things to do in quarantine for @Leafly! We might be stuck home, but there's no need to stream ourselves into zombie-brain-mush. From picking up a tarot habit, to getting creative, and picking up qigong — I rounded up some fun stuff to do at home whilst high, that will also help us to suck less. (Also works without cannabis!)⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ To read it, clicking on 'Writing Around the Web' in my bio links.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I hope everyone's having a beautiful Saturday 😘⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ 📸: I'd have recommended wayyyy more witchy things, like cooking up a spell, but I thought I'd better include a variety... ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ #quarantinelife #quarantine #cannabiscommunity #goodhabits #getitgetit #yougotthis #selfcare #selflove

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I’m feeling overwhelmed with a cacophony of hopes and fears, both personal and global. (Like everyone else, I’m sure.) ...I swear this is related — but does anyone else watch #thisisus? (It’s this super under-the-radar tv show 🤣) . This week it featured a doctor giving advice to happy/sad new parents; Dr. K tells a beautiful story about a song that carried him through his wife’s happy early pregnancy, then on repeat (with great grief) during their heart-shattering miscarriage, and then again with elation/fear during their next pregnancy...and at last, at that kiddo’s wedding, so very joyful. Same song. All the feels. . His advice to the couple was, “You can't try and keep joy and tragedy separate, because life is full of ups and downs — and all of it matters.” . And it’s so true. You could probably even trace most ‘ups’ in the world to prior ‘downs’ that were crucial to their existence. It’s all important. Even our present woes will lead to goodness; my guess is getting the healthcare standards of other developed nations and a safety net with less holes for our most vulnerable. (🙏) . And other, smaller things. People not minimizing being stuck home almost everyday as a #spoonie, saying awful things like, “that sounds relaxing.” (Imagine bodily hell on top of this lifestyle.) Folks finally getting the option to work from home, since the obv can. People being more present for hugs. More grateful for the norm. Less zombie’d out. . There will be goodness reaped from this ick, there always is. In the meantime, sending you all the healthy happy juju + wishes for stunningly joyful and surprising moments. (STAY HOME, PLEASE) 😘 . 📸: Happy = I’m mostly off sleeping pills, have been needing less sleep, and waking up earlier! Sad = it fucked up my glorious cozy sun puddle timing, see pic #2, not cozy. Happy = it’s suddenly flirting with 70* so I moved it outdoors and now get to smell glorious salty ocean air along with my meditative routine! C’est la vie, eh? . . . #coronavirus #covid_19 #covid #therona #quarantine #quarantineandchill #quarantinelife #spoonielife #emotionalrollercoaster #wegotthis

THE EXPERIMENT, PART 1: I’ve gotten it into my head that I’m going to heal fibromyalgia by healing my #endocannabinoidsystem (ECS). But there’s no book for that because doctors don’t even study this system that maintains function in like alllll the other systems. . So I read studies and ask scientists questions, and life is magic so I get paid for it. After discovering a study showing orgasms release #endocannabinoids, I interviewed a doctor; who confirmed he’d seen it help his ECS-malfunctioning patients, then asked me about managing my symptoms. . I don’t talk much about that other fucking eff word anymore for juju reasons, but I still need far too much cannabis to control the stupid symptoms — it’s very time and $ consuming. But he had a cure... . So this doc goes, “I’m gonna write you a prescription: 3 orgasms/day for three weeks and daily cold showers using the #wimhofmethod, it will make a following tolerance break much more effective and will also help control pain in the meantime.” . And it does, both exercises palpably release endocannabinoids, giving me the same relief as the (exo-) cannabinoids in cannabis; though both methods also take much more spoons/energy than smoking a couple bowls and take just as much time, also relief doesn’t last as long, shucks. . But hopefully it’s been giving the ol’ ECS lots of practice and exercise!Now I’m on my first sleep-deprived day of no cannabis medication for three days, giving my ECS time to reset, essentially. We shall see, please send juju my med routine becomes easy-breezy! . Since the ‘Rona banned my handsome assistant to his own domicile, I must say I’m happy to be done with the orgasm challenge! (Haha, my wrists hurt.) I’ll keep up the ECS/self lovin’ but not to such goals, phew. 🤣 . The Wim Hof method is rumored to help fibro in three months, so 9 weeks there, ooooooh I have the hopey hopes. (The healthy jujus, please.) The testimonials from healed fibro fighters are really convincing, even though they’re babbling about ice baths like manic crossfitters — they seem v healed, happy, and thriving. . What if I heal by summer, and when I fly home to Alaska in July I get to go on A HIKE?? Hopeful, hopeful ❤️

There’s a part of me that’s comforted by having to stay home again, back in isolation like illness had me for so very very long. During that time and the period leading up to it, socializing became increasingly stressful; as my health plummeted and seeing others decreased with frequency. . Symptoms also morphed my personality, making connecting in-person more difficult. Stigma around chronic illness and medical cannabis didn’t help. Frequent physical and emotional public breakdowns, followed by weeks-long symptom flares, led to terrifying triggering. It can be so intensely overwhelming, and almost always misunderstood when witnessed. . Once voted as one of the most friendly in my class, transforming into someone who no longer enjoys meeting people was disorienting; but I eventually got used to it, to being satisfied with my own company. When I moved here to Long Beach and had the option to start trying to meet people again, I actually thought of socializing as “immersion therapy,” haha — it fucking stresses me out, man. . It was getting increasingly more enjoyable, but it’s kinda nice to not be pushing myself in that way. I’d go back to before Corona in a hot fucking second, don’t get me wrong, but I’m trying to focus on the good. (Beats wondering how many months until my next hug 🤷‍♀️) Stay healthy, stay home. Sooooo many long distance hugs 😘 . 📸: The cards demanded I leave, so I (carefully) got some takeout and satiated a bacon craving, mmm. (And the Birds of Paradise are still partying, so we’ve got that going for us.) Also had juju to paint after work the other day, felt grrrreat. . . . . #quarantine #quarantinelife #spoonie #spoonielife #spoonieproblems #cptsd #isolation #solitude #covid_19 #coronavirus

The moon juju woke me up at 4am, so I’m spending this delirious day working on soul work, yayyyyy! My last post featured a couple pics from the online spiritual community I’m creating for Long Beach; I’ve now wrapped my head around how the platform works and even got a few posts up. . There’s a ways to go until I start inviting folks, but I’m really excited to be moving from visioning to building — what better time to create an online community, eh? The vision started just as a way to meet people here and connect, a worthy time-commitment alone; but this app is all set up for courses and events, so we’ll see where it takes me. . Summing up the things I’ve learned over the decades into topics, and now expanding on them with articles, is a nice affirmation of how much I’ve learned. There’s been a lot of struggling in my journey, and sometimes it feels like I’ve been just trying not to drown for years — it’s nice to be reminded that it was much more than that. . Here’s a few spirit memes to celebrate! Happy new moon yesterday 🌚😘 . . . . #spiritualaf #spiritual #spiritualawakening #spirituality #witchyvibes #witchy #pagan #pagansofinstagram #woo #woowoo #lightworker #lightworkers

In October of 2015 is really when this quarantine started for me, the month I was no longer able to make it up the long hill to the bus stop. I lived in a small Portland studio alone, about a 20-minute drive from the closest friend (whom I didn’t have many of, as I was pretty new to the city when illness axed my social life). . I’m very much an ambivert, while I get real bitchy if unable to recharge alone — I used to get wild feelings of stir-craziness without being able to process my thoughts and experiences verbally. After a few months of only seeing doctors and grocery store strangers, I also got lonely to the point of not feeling like myself...which was a whole realization of its own. Why didn’t I feel like myself without others to react to?? . I took up talking to myself for the verbal processing (tips to *stop* doing it out of isolation appreciated 🤣) and started basically blogging here to that end as well. And that seeming need to bounce off of others? It got stared at. For a very very long time. . For me, the urge to consistently focus on others seemed to be rooted in a desire to avoid whatever might instead rise within me — often unprocessed trauma and the host of feelings it comes with. (Like, please, Becky, tell me about your boy drama, Becky? Where you at?!? Aggghhhh my own drama!!) . But we can only melt that drama with the staring; friends, the way out, is through. Let the ick rough you up a bit and you’ll find that it’s not even that bad. Yes, there will be some tears, but even while you’re still crying the cry of confronting your shit; you’ll be simultaneously filled with empowering clarity, with lightness as you cleanse all that ick that was secretly driving your reactions the whole time. . The juice is worth the squeeze and there’s no time like the present. Will this be the quarantine where you gained 20 pounds emotionally eating? Or will it be the time that everything finally started to change? You got this. ❤️ . . . . #quarantine #quarantineandchill #quarantinelife #quarantined #isolation #solitude #growthmindset #personaldevelopment #ownyourshit

I wrote about stoney-yet-productive things to do in quarantine for @Leafly! We might be stuck home, but there's no need to stream ourselves into zombie-brain-mush. From picking up a tarot habit, to getting creative, and picking up qigong — I rounded up some fun stuff to do at home whilst high, that will also help us to suck less. (Also works without cannabis!)⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ To read it, clicking on 'Writing Around the Web' in my bio links.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I hope everyone's having a beautiful Saturday 😘⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ 📸: I'd have recommended wayyyy more witchy things, like cooking up a spell, but I thought I'd better include a variety... ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ #quarantinelife #quarantine #cannabiscommunity #goodhabits #getitgetit #yougotthis #selfcare #selflove

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